There's Never Enough

Duckslayer100

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Aug 11, 2015
Posts
4,611
Likes
189
Points
293
Location
ND's Flatter Half
It's fleeting. It waits for no man. It can be on your side, or is always against you. It can be spent, and it can definitely be wasted. They say you can save it, too, but that's up for debate.

Of course, I speak of time. This intangible unit of measurement is the base of everything we know. It rules over humanity, regardless if you work 40 hours a week for a living, anticipate the weekend fishing trip, or are counting down the days to hunting opener.

This weekend while fishing with the family -- the first time this summer and the first time we've all done so in the boat, period -- I had a few brief moments between the chaos to reflect on it. I'm 34 years old, and my time has never felt so limited. Our weekdays are a blur that begin at 4:30 am and end when the wife and I finally call it quits around 10 pm. In between is a race for breakfast, daycare drop off, work, pick up kids, home, supper, and family time. And no part of this is more precious to me than the smallest parts -- the beginning and end hours of the day when I actually interact with my wife and kids.

I am unfortunately lumped into a much-maligned bunch known as "Millennial." While I do not associate with them, one of the oft-discussed negative aspects is that they don't like to work and always want time off. I have nothing against working hard to make a better life for my family and kids. What I do hate to see is a life perpetually (at least perceptually) filled with work and aching for more time with the people you care about. From my brief time on this orb we call home, most people don't often get to experience that until they retire and kids are grown. And then there's the constant regret that "man I wish we could have spent more time together when you were younger."

Why do we do that to ourselves? My wife and I both work full time. Our weeks feel like full-throttle days followed by sudden stops. Weekends end far too soon. And my kids, both under the age of 5, are growing so fast I can't believe it.

So, for the elders out there with a bit more "time" under their belt than I have: How do you do it? How do you fit everything in? I'm so serious about our weekends that I've been spending evenings after the kids go down to clean/organize and tackle honey-do stuff JUST so I don't have to be bothered with it on the weekends. It makes for long, tiring days, but then my weekends are blissfully free, for the most part.

The last part is that I finally have a career I enjoy, but with a recent promotion I'm putting in 50-60 hour weeks, every week. Taking time off isn't difficult, but every time I do it actually adds more to my plate. I'm at the point now where I'll work from home even on days off just to stay caught up! I HATE that. But the financial benefits are huge, so I'm compelled to keep grinding.

Basically, I don't want to get to 65 and retire, and then regret working so hard for the past 30 years and missing those moments.

And maybe ALL of this is way, WAY too philosophical for an outdoors forum... :;:smokin
 


westwolfone

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2015
Posts
1,810
Likes
51
Points
238
Put less value on becoming wealthy.

You'll be happier (and healthier too).
 

dust in the wind

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 12, 2015
Posts
2,570
Likes
29
Points
246
Location
somewhere else
This is an interesting post at this time for me. Minus the kids (we don't have any), that's been my scenario - working 50 to 60 hours a week. bascially on call 24/7/365 for the past 10 years or so. I've lost count of how many times I've had to go in at 11PM to fix something that went down, plus I haven't had a real vacation in as many years too. Vacations are supposed to be time away from work, instead I have ended up dealing with work related items while being on vacation.

I'm 45 by the way. It's getting to be a drag.

The last 2 years have been absolutely nuts in my life. Changes at work that lead to more work/stress/travel etc... I will say this - I've been able to see some great places in many different states. Plus I've been trying to finish my basement myself. I'm happy to report that I should have most of it done by the end of this month (at least that's my plan).

Things have happened at work that I won't get into but an opportunity (I see it as an opportunity - some may not) came along for me to make some changes. It will be interesting to see how it plays out but I will basically be part time with a few benefits. Plus I will be working from home and can set my own schedule. This option was brought up by me and not forced upon me.

This starts July 1st for me.

I'm not sure how it will work out but I am looking forward to it.
 

PrairieGhost

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
May 15, 2015
Posts
10,328
Likes
683
Points
443
Location
Drifting the high plains
I think we all relate, but now I am looking back at those points you made.
When I was a kid on the farm there was no way parents were driving you to town for any sport. If you wanted an activity go pitch hay to the cows. The next generation got to do a lot more than we did, and this generation we have to plan a month or longer in advance to do something with them. We have gone from family being everything to family replaced by school and sports. You think you have all the time in the world, but then a middle aged son dies and you have no time. PRIORITIES I guess.
 

Stan's Dad

★★★★★ Legendary Member
Joined
May 8, 2017
Posts
828
Likes
37
Points
156
I think we all relate, but now I am looking back at those points you made.
When I was a kid on the farm there was no way parents were driving you to town for any sport. If you wanted an activity go pitch hay to the cows. The next generation got to do a lot more than we did, and this generation we have to plan a month or longer in advance to do something with them. We have gone from family being everything to family replaced by school and sports. You think you have all the time in the world, but then a middle aged son dies and you have no time. PRIORITIES I guess.

*wrong thread
 


walleyeman_1875

★★★ Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 3, 2016
Posts
411
Likes
32
Points
148
Location
Bismarck
Damn good topic as I would have to guess quite a few people think the same way. I haven't come up with a silver bullet yet. As PrairieGhost said, lots of the stress in self-inflicted with trying to provide every opportunity possible for your kids......this could be to our detriment though.

A few ideas I've come up with:
1. sell the house and move into a 3bdrm apartment. Eliminates financial stress.
2. reduce/limit the activities kids do......as long as this 'free-time' is spent doing family activities.
- if you actually think about the amount of time you spend with your kids, it's very depressing.
3. change the mindset of leaving work at work and not bringing home the stresses. Also, realize that it's work. Do the job you were hired to do. If you want to run the company some day, well then you better have a different mindset. but for most of us, do your job and do it well but don't let it consume you.
 

BrokenBackJack

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
May 13, 2015
Posts
9,133
Likes
4,404
Points
763
Location
Central, AZ
Money makes the world go around they say. You have to be the one to decide when family or financial matters make the most sense to you and your family. While you must work to provide now and for the furture of the family and the future for you and your bride later in life, it doesn't have to occupy all the time now to provide for the future.
Lots of things do not need to be purchased as most are wants and not needs. You have to decide which is more important, to work long hours so you can buy wants or work less to provide needs. Believe me i went down both of those trails in my life. At one stretch i was averaging 128 hours a week and worked 4 1/2 months without a day off. Finally i went in and said i enjoy the dollars and i really enjoyed the work but my family wasn't getting anything from me other than money as i came home, cleaned up, ate a little bit, and went to bed. After that meeting with my boss things worked out for the better. He and I gave more responsibility to other workers and they always didn't do things the way we wanted or would have done it ourselves, but most of the time the job got done. They learned responsibility and we learned we didn't need to do everything ourselves either.
You have to be the one to make the decision on when is enough, enough. I was brought up to be a workaholic and i enjoyed working very much but there comes a time when you have to draw the line and separate the two. Your time with family now is what makes them who they will be in the future. Remember that!
 

espringers

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
May 18, 2015
Posts
8,173
Likes
881
Points
428
Location
Devils Lake
i sometimes wish i was back to being poor with just a regular 9-5 job in a rental house and almost no bills or debt. life was so much simpler and i was so much happier. not sure i could support the kids that way though. and they are priceless.

the idea of apartment type life has sometimes appealed to me though. or at least downsizing to something requiring less time spent on maintenance and upkeep. i enjoy my 25 acres and the quality of life it affords us. but, i spend too much time "working" after work and not enough time enjoying the simple things anymore. especially with the kids. at 43 going on 44, its concerning and i think about it nearly every day. and the need for the wife to want to keep up with the joneses isn't going to make it any easier. i doubt i will ever win that battle. she doesn't see things like me in that respect.

like the original poster... just venting... don't really have any easy answers. i suppose if i got let go from one of my jobs, the "decision" would be made a lot easier.
 

ndfinfan

★★★★★ Legendary Member
Joined
Jan 23, 2016
Posts
2,702
Likes
175
Points
293
Location
Minot, ND.
Duck...very good commentary on your own life...that's sometimes half the battle - just being able to look in the mirror and honestly contemplate your own situation. I don't believe anyone on this site...or anywhere else for that matter, can provide you with a simple answer to put more "time" on your plate while removing the daily grind responsibilities that each of us carry in some way shape or form. Sounds like you and your wife are hardworking people who love their family...keep after it. You'll figure out where compromises can be made at work and at home if need be. Most of us...if we're honest with ourselves, have some regrets with regards to missed opportunities with the family. I served in the military for over 20 years...did a year in Korea when my kids were 10, 3, and 2. I can never get that time back, but made sure my kids know how much I love them and how important they are to me. Keep up the good fight...sounds like you are doing just fine!
 

KDM

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2015
Posts
9,650
Likes
1,582
Points
563
Location
Valley City
Ask yourself....Will any of these worldly things, House, Money, Trucks, Boats, or any other possession keep you out of the grave?? NO!! They WILL however, keep you from being, caring, and sharing with those you love and these things WILL also keep those you love from being, caring, and sharing with you.
 


luvcatchingbass

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2015
Posts
3,510
Likes
237
Points
313
Location
SE ND.
One thing that has taken me too long to learn is just flat out turning off the work phone or put on silent when I am at home or over the weekends. It is amazing how much that has started to help the last month or so and unfortunately it took a crappy situation for me to just realize that my work world can survive without me.
 

Lungdeflator

★★★★★ Legendary Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2017
Posts
1,372
Likes
5
Points
166
Location
Berthold, ND
Good topic. Everybody and every situation is different. Really boils down to what you can live with at the end of the day.

Life and long term planning has really helped me and my family. I am 28 and have a beautiful wife and 2 young boys, ages 2 and 6 months. I have a 4 year degree, as does my wife. She also has an additional 2 year certification for Radiologic Technologist. As I was finishing school, I was constantly applying for and looking for jobs. I had numerous opportunities and offers around MN, but nothing paid very well and most was Gov work. After talking to my wife (GF at the time) I decided to move west to ND and work in the oil fields, 100% for the money. We lived apart for almost 2 years before getting married and moving her out here with me.

A lot went into this decision. My wife has always wanted to be a Veterinarian. I felt that before moving who knows where for 4 more years of grueling school, we should have some financial stability, a financial "jump start" to life. I was able to pay off my student loans fast, buy a truck and a house and an ATV and a fish house, and some other "toys", plus do some remodeling of the house and put a lot of money into a retirement account. Right now I feel we are financially stable and comfortable enough for her to apply for Vet schools, which she currently is. Our boys and relationship is very healthy and we would be comfortable making a move to where ever school is and me getting a job where ever that is. She can go to school and continue to have fun and hunt and fish with her family.

So long term planning has allowed us the opportunity for my wife to go through school, while at the same time having a good living and not having to live in a dorm or eating Ramon noodles like we did with our undergrad degrees. I have sacrificed time at home for my job and the money it brings in and she has put her career on hold for my job and the chance to be stable going though school.

I think we are in a good place in life. House and a couple small vehicle payments are really the only debts we are tied to. Sure it would be nice to be home more and be out on the lake more, but 5 years (hopefully) from now when she graduates, it will all be worth it. Our boys will be just getting into sports, we can move and live where we want, and besides from the student loans from vet school, be fairly debt free. Plus that 100K$ in the retirement account now is going to look good in 30 years :;:smokin
 

Colt45

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2015
Posts
1,029
Likes
125
Points
238
Ask yourself "what matters", but your answer will certainly change over time........ least it did for me

 

ndlongshot

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2015
Posts
1,777
Likes
112
Points
258
Right there with ya. 30 with a new baby. Always prided myself on being responsible, and that with hard work and planning, anything in this life was possible. As the years have gone by, gotten married, had kids, mortgage, camper, boat...it seems like the stress of it all doesnt add up. I would love to travel and hunt all over. but again, time and money are the limiting factors. Its hard to jam everything into this life. We are all human, and happiness is relative. Do the things you will regret when lying on your death bed some day. Hopefully its many decades, but you never know. One thing is for sure we won't be able to do it all. Life is bittersweet that way.

Its a sort of mid life crisis. Counting the days and dollars until the "next" big expenditure, all the while missing out on this great life right in front of us. Gotta stop and smell the roses....Most of us are living the good life and are blessed. How lucky we are....things can always, always be worse. And for many others, they are.
 

JayKay

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2015
Posts
6,726
Likes
436
Points
348
Location
Southeast Bismarck
As much as I love to fish (and I really do), it has taken a beating in my life, regarding its importance. I am 48, married with three kids under 12. (got a late start, but wouldn't change anything). My wife and I both work, have a nice place, etc. But fishing, as much as I love it, isn't nearly as important as it once was.

When I do go, it's usually late at night, so I don't miss as much of the evening with my kids. this is partly my wife's idea, and partly mine.

I see a lot of people have a lot more toys than I do, and honestly, I get jealous, but I am also jealous of my time. I don't want to trade another 20 hours of my week for a boat. Nope, no thanks. I'd have less time to use it than I do now.
 


luvcatchingbass

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2015
Posts
3,510
Likes
237
Points
313
Location
SE ND.
Sometimes there are also other activities you can find to do with the kids that makes you forget about the stessors. For me and my girls we rotate between, garden, tinkering and driving tractors (R moline is my daughters ne favorite even though it's still rough looking ), practicing Tee Ball. Sure I don't summer fish as much as I used to, don't get around to playing golf and haven't hunted as hard as I used to but I don't notice as much or we have just been slowly implicating those things back into our routine. Now if I can figure out a way to have consistent 3 day weekends
 

2400

★★★★★ Legendary Member
Joined
Apr 24, 2016
Posts
8,580
Likes
44
Points
276
Location
Northern AZ
It's fleeting. Of course, I speak of time.

The last part is that I finally have a career I enjoy, but with a recent promotion I'm putting in 50-60 hour weeks, every week. But the financial benefits are huge.

Basically, I don't want to get to 65 and retire, and then regret working so hard for the past 30 years and missing those moments.
:;:smokin

You only have so many hours per lifetime and you don't know how many hours you get either. It won't make much difference to work all those hours for the big bucks if you drop dead next week and miss time with your wife and kids this week.

Something to think over.


Put less value on becoming wealthy.

You'll be happier (and healthier too).

Well said!

... working 50 to 60 hours a week. bascially on call 24/7/365 for the past 10 years or so. Vacations are supposed to be time away from work, instead I have ended up dealing with work related items while being on vacation.

I worked 60-80 hours a week for several decades, that was one of the stupidest things I've ever done. My advise is to slow up and take time to relax. In my experience work is work and any other time is NOT work, stick to that and you'll be much happier.

Change the mindset of leaving work at work and not bringing home the stresses. Also, realize that it's work. Do the job you were hired to do. If you want to run the company some day, well then you better have a different mindset. but for most of us, do your job and do it well but don't let it consume you.

Yup, work is work, nothing more nothing less.


Lots of things do not need to be purchased as most are wants and not needs. You have to decide which is more important, to work long hours so you can buy wants or work less to provide needs.

You have to be the one to make the decision on when is enough, enough. I was brought up to be a workaholic and i enjoyed working very much but there comes a time when you have to draw the line and separate the two. Your time with family now is what makes them who they will be in the future. Remember that!

Exactly, is it worth the 500 extra hours for the new truck, boat, whatever or is it better to spend that time with your family?

I sometimes wish i was back to being poor with just a regular 9-5 job in a rental house and almost no bills or debt. life was so much simpler and i was so much happier.

the idea of apartment type life has sometimes appealed to me though. or at least downsizing to something requiring less time spent on maintenance and upkeep. i enjoy my 25 acres and the quality of life it affords us. but, i spend too much time "working" after work and not enough time enjoying the simple things anymore. especially with the kids. at 43 going on 44, its concerning and i think about it nearly every day. and the need for the wife to want to keep up with the joneses isn't going to make it any easier. i doubt i will ever win that battle. she doesn't see things like me in that respect.

Yup, as I look back simpler was a lot better and I was happier too. The wife spending to keep is your problem to figure out.



Duck...very good commentary on your own life...that's sometimes half the battle - just being able to look in the mirror and honestly contemplate your own situation.

Sounds like you and your wife are hardworking people who love their family...Most of us...if we're honest with ourselves, have some regrets with regards to missed opportunities with the family. I served in the military for over 20 years...did a year in Korea when my kids were 10, 3, and 2. I can never get that time back, but made sure my kids know how much I love them and how important they are to me.

Yup, sometimes a clear honest look in the mirror beats a kick in the ass from someone else. It took me a while to figure that out.

Ask yourself....Will any of these worldly things, House, Money, Trucks, Boats, or any other possession keep you out of the grave?? NO!! They WILL however, keep you from being, caring, and sharing with those you love and these things WILL also keep those you love from being, caring, and sharing with you.

Well said!


One thing that has taken me too long to learn is just flat out turning off the work phone or put on silent when I am at home or over the weekends. It is amazing how much that has started to help the last month or so and unfortunately it took a crappy situation for me to just realize that my work world can survive without me.

Yup, work is work and NOT work is NOT work. It took me a lot of decades to get that figured out.


Ask yourself "what matters", but your answer will certainly change over time........ least it did for me

Yup, sure did for me. I wish I knew then what I know now.



We are all human, and happiness is relative. Do the things you will regret when lying on your death bed some day. Hopefully its many decades, but you never know. One thing is for sure we won't be able to do it all.

Its a sort of mid life crisis. Counting the days and dollars until the "next" big expenditure, all the while missing out on this great life right in front of us. Gotta stop and smell the roses....Most of us are living the good life and are blessed. How lucky we are....things can always, always be worse.

Yup, counted and counted and missed a lot along the way.


As much as I love to fish (and I really do), it has taken a beating in my life... But fishing, as much as I love it, isn't nearly as important as it once was.

I see a lot of people have a lot more toys than I do, and honestly, I get jealous, but I am also jealous of my time. I don't want to trade another 20 hours of my week for a boat. Nope, no thanks. I'd have less time to use it than I do now.

Good thinking.


Sometimes there are also other activities you can find to do with the kids that makes you forget about the stessors. For me and my girls we rotate between, garden, tinkering and driving tractors (R moline is my daughters ne favorite even though it's still rough looking ), practicing Tee Ball. Sure I don't summer fish as much as I used to, don't get around to playing golf and haven't hunted as hard as I used to but I don't notice as much or we have just been slowly implicating those things back into our routine. Now if I can figure out a way to have consistent 3 day weekends

Sounds like your time with your girls is well spent. I'll bet rough looking or not it doesn't matter to anyone but you.


I was in the Navy and then worked for the Govt for 16 years and out of all that time was in the US maybe a year and a half total. I had some good times and went some cool places but I was NEVER home. I had 2 different companies and worked 60-80 hours a week 52 weeks a year and some weeks were 100+ hours. Looking back I could have worked half the hours and had ten time the fun.

NOBODY ever laid on their death bed and said "damn I was I had spent more time at work".
 

pointer

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2015
Posts
1,163
Likes
139
Points
228
Location
south central nd
In regard to the stressful time of life I went through that too, worked in the medical field, when my son's were little I was on call one week with one week off still while working 40 to 50 hours per week, vacations were accumulated but rarely had the chance, fished with the family every chance we got, thank God we live in an area were great fishing was a 15 minute drive to the dock. But life got in the way was too much stress on the wife, she left and then it was just the boys and I, still went out fishing and hunting with family and friends, kinda limited us, but made the best of it. When the boys reached their teens with sports, friends, and girlfriends they had to prioritize too, still managed to get things done, we didn't and still don't have all the great toys, boat is old,shore fishing is were it's at for us now, and now watching my son's get busy with their families, and semi retired, I fish less, not as much fun alone anyways and am busy with my home chores, but have a great relationship with the boys, still visit almost every day and fish and hunt quite a bit. So it does get better
 

ShootnBlanks

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2015
Posts
1,241
Likes
9
Points
176
Location
Alice ND
Great topic. I'm 36 and in similar position as you, duck. Life zips by and at times I feel like I'm still in my 20s. Then I do some yardwork and my back reminds me I am not. And my oldest just completed her 1st year of college at UND. And holy I still think she is in high school...youngest daughter is now 11 and that is nearing the teenage years...damn
 

Sum1

Founding Member
Founding Member
Joined
Apr 28, 2015
Posts
4,800
Likes
268
Points
313
Location
Bismarck
Work is overrated. I try to do as little as possible to pay my bills(I’m not on any assistance of any kind for the record) and have some money to fish and buy nice fishing equipment. To me any way. What I have may be pretty small potatoes to others. Truck is old and paid off, House is small and affordable. But I have a lot of free time and everything I need and a lot of stuff I don’t need. I worked construction for ten years putting mega hours and the money was good but life sucked. Now I put in 40 hours and have three day weekends. Would be hard to go back if for some unseen circumstances happen. Wish I had the money to buy one of those van/camper deals and hook the boat up to it and fish all summer. Maybe some day. I’m in my 40s now...could probably make it happen if my mom would lent me move back in. Lol
 


Recent Posts

Friends of NDA

Top Posters of the Month

  • This month: 164
  • This month: 136
  • This month: 121
  • This month: 110
  • This month: 105
  • This month: 87
  • This month: 84
  • This month: 79
  • This month: 76
  • This month: 76
Top Bottom