Things you never say to your wife



H82bogey

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Look what I brought home to spice up the sex life. She is 23 and her name is Tiffany.
 

Chas'n Tail

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Me: You smell that?
Her: No
Me: Me either. Get cooking!
Or
"You looking mighty Centuious. Centuious up, get me a beer"
 

fj40

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My wife says I never say anything nice. I just told last weekend that she didn't sweat much for a fat chick.
 


luvcatchingbass

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Do Not
I REPEAT DO NOT
Mistakenly call your wife BUTTERBALL instead of Buttercup. It goes very poorly
 

MuskyManiac

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Or when you're dating and trying to be romantic and you tell her that her big, brown eyes "look like cow eyes".

Yes, I did that.

We laugh about it still, and I even made some Cow Eye wine in recognition.

Hotcow.jpg
 

luvcatchingbass

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Or when you're dating and trying to be romantic and you tell her that her big, brown eyes "look like cow eyes".

Yes, I did that.

We laugh about it still, and I even made some Cow Eye wine in recognition.

first ice 2018.jpg

When our first daughter was born and the doctor asked in advance if I wanted to cut the cord I responded "that's ok I grew up with cattle and helped birth enough calves". AGAIN bad idea and thank the lord above my wife had an epidural or I think she would have sent me to another floor of the hospital.
 

LBrandt

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When our first daughter was born and the doctor asked in advance if I wanted to cut the cord I responded "that's ok I grew up with cattle and helped birth enough calves". AGAIN bad idea and thank the lord above my wife had an epidural or I think she would have sent me to another floor of the hospital.
It is amazing that you are still alive.
 


JayKay

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Or when you're dating and trying to be romantic and you tell her that her big, brown eyes "look like cow eyes".

Yes, I did that.

We laugh about it still, and I even made some Cow Eye wine in recognition.

first ice 2018.jpg

Way back when, back in history, my then-girlfriend, now-wife and I were out on a walk one summer evening.

I don't like going for walks, just to go for a walk. I don't mind walking, but not for no reason.

Anyhow, it actually WAS a nice night, and good weather etc. Was dusk, and I told her "you look good in this light".

It was pretty dark out, and we were outside of the city lights.

Come to think of it, it was almost pitch black.

No wonder she still brings it up every once it a while. Was over 15 years ago.
 

huffranger

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My wife said I just lost 5#s

My reply,

kinda like throwing a deck chair off the titanic isn’t it,

as I was seeking an escape route..
 


luvcatchingbass

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Made a stretchy pants joke Saturday morning before leaving to go fishing, in my defense she started it.
Really surprised I made it out of the house unharmed and the worse thing I got was a sunburned face that day
 

luvcatchingbass

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Trust me on this.
When your wife makes a beer belly joke do not tell her "at least I have an excuse. So what's yours?"
Glad my buddy has a couch in his heated garage that locks and has a beer fridge
 

Ericb

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Told my wife when she was in labor with our first kid " see that wasn't that bad" during a contraction. With our 3rd kid I told her "dont worry it'll just fall out". She never really got pissed until the baby was almost out and the dr and I were both watching Football. She'll admit now I was right!
 


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