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Once upon a time approximately 17 years ago there was a boy who was failing school and himself by consistently receiving failing grades in the aforementioned school. His father who was named Jack decided a new approach must be again attempted and discussed the problem with his wife who was named Eleanor as she prepared a balanced supper of chicken, peas, beets, Frito pie and sandwiches. Jack enjoyed a cold Pilsner after a rough day at the parole office as Eleanor preferred white gas station liquor over ice. Eleanor was weary of her breasts being photographed all day for various seed catalogs. She mostly didn't complain as she didn't like giving Jack spankings.
The family sat down for supper and after the initial plate/dinnerware noises resulting from impacts and friction Jack (the boy's father) offered a motivational proposition to the boy: If the boy's grades were improved to D's he(the boy)would get any present he could imagine to include Pop Rocks and cattle.
Nine weeks go by. Report cards came. The grades were straight D. The boy's parents (Jack and Eleanor) were pleased. As promised, the boy was offered a lavish gift. The boy pondered for exactly three moments then proclaimed in a haughty manner he (the boy) wanted 5000 ping pong balls. Jack and his wife (Eleanor) were gob smacked but complied.
Months passed and grades never changed. Jack (the boy's father) decided to repeat the new tact of the previous year. During a meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes, peas and fish; the boy was presented with the same motivational deal as the previous time by his mother (Eleanor).
Nine weeks go by and the grades remained straight C's. There was a minor celebration to include burritos, rice and chocolate. Jack (the boy's father) again offered the present and received a request of 5000 additional ping pong balls. Though a bit WTF'd he agreed to the singular request in hope of a spanking on the upcoming Thursday. Eleanor (the boy's mother) gave Jack a sly wink, wriggled internally and hoped for a new George Foreman Grill.
Nine weeks pass. The grades remained at a C level. Eleanor got her George Foreman Grill but had resorted to applying Bag Balm on her nipples. She found the lanolin pleasing and believed she experienced an extended warming sensation from each camera flash. She asked her husband (Jack) to again motivate to boy's grades to B's for a first time. The boy's father (Jack) offered the incentive to the boy and hoped for the best as he firmly believed higher grades were superior to poor ones.
Nine weeks pass. The report card came. Straight B's. The boy's parents (Jack and Eleanor) were pleased. The family to include Jack, Eleanor and the boy; went to Pizza Hut to celebrate. They all ordered Personal Pan Pizzas. Jack and Eleanor (the boy's parents) enjoyed Supremes while the boy had a cheese pizza with pepperoni. During the meal the boy requested 15,000 ping pong balls. Jack decided to speed things along. He agreed to the additional ping pong balls and told the boy to get straight A's for another lavish reward. It must be noted the white spheres of joy were becoming quite the nuisance around the modest household with beige siding. Ping pong balls were over ankle deep in the boy's room. They were scattered throughout the home and in the garage. Both of the baskets on the boy's bicycle were overflowing. Jack (the boy's father) agreed to the 15,000 but was starting to become slightly irritated.
The next report card came: It was straight A's!! Jack and Eleanor were beyond a state of elation! They jumped repeatedly and gesticulated like they were in every damn TV commercial currently produced! They showered the boy with glowing praise then offered him (the boy) an ultimate gift. The boy (NFI) thought a moment then requested 100,000 ping pong balls. Jack was at his wit's end. He asked the boy the reason for "all the damn balls". The boy's face suddenly glowed red. He (the boy) began to hyperventilate. The boy ran toward the garage in a torrent of rage--slipping and falling in the ever present ping pong balls.
The boy (he) grabbed his Chinese Schwinn with the overflowing baskets and sped into a high traffic cul-de-sac trailing a bouncing rooster tail of angry careening orbs and was struck by a Forest Green Subaru wagon which had escaped from they're driver. Because of queer.
Jack (the boy's father) rushed to the scene and cradled the boy in his arms: "Son, I didn't mean to upset you! I'm sorry!" "It's OK Dad." "I don't want to upset you, I HAVE to know...WHAT's the deal with the ping pong balls?!..." The boy looked into the sky and died.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
Once upon a time approximately 17 years ago there was a boy who was failing school and himself by consistently receiving failing grades in the aforementioned school. His father who was named Jack decided a new approach must be again attempted and discussed the problem with his wife who was named Eleanor as she prepared a balanced supper of chicken, peas, beets, Frito pie and sandwiches. Jack enjoyed a cold Pilsner after a rough day at the parole office as Eleanor preferred white gas station liquor over ice. Eleanor was weary of her breasts being photographed all day for various seed catalogs. She mostly didn't complain as she didn't like giving Jack spankings.
The family sat down for supper and after the initial plate/dinnerware noises resulting from impacts and friction Jack (the boy's father) offered a motivational proposition to the boy: If the boy's grades were improved to D's he(the boy)would get any present he could imagine to include Pop Rocks and cattle.
Nine weeks go by. Report cards came. The grades were straight D. The boy's parents (Jack and Eleanor) were pleased. As promised, the boy was offered a lavish gift. The boy pondered for exactly three moments then proclaimed in a haughty manner he (the boy) wanted 5000 ping pong balls. Jack and his wife (Eleanor) were gob smacked but complied.
Months passed and grades never changed. Jack (the boy's father) decided to repeat the new tact of the previous year. During a meal of pork chops, mashed potatoes, peas and fish; the boy was presented with the same motivational deal as the previous time by his mother (Eleanor).
Nine weeks go by and the grades remained straight C's. There was a minor celebration to include burritos, rice and chocolate. Jack (the boy's father) again offered the present and received a request of 5000 additional ping pong balls. Though a bit WTF'd he agreed to the singular request in hope of a spanking on the upcoming Thursday. Eleanor (the boy's mother) gave Jack a sly wink, wriggled internally and hoped for a new George Foreman Grill.
Nine weeks pass. The grades remained at a C level. Eleanor got her George Foreman Grill but had resorted to applying Bag Balm on her nipples. She found the lanolin pleasing and believed she experienced an extended warming sensation from each camera flash. She asked her husband (Jack) to again motivate to boy's grades to B's for a first time. The boy's father (Jack) offered the incentive to the boy and hoped for the best as he firmly believed higher grades were superior to poor ones.
Nine weeks pass. The report card came. Straight B's. The boy's parents (Jack and Eleanor) were pleased. The family to include Jack, Eleanor and the boy; went to Pizza Hut to celebrate. They all ordered Personal Pan Pizzas. Jack and Eleanor (the boy's parents) enjoyed Supremes while the boy had a cheese pizza with pepperoni. During the meal the boy requested 15,000 ping pong balls. Jack decided to speed things along. He agreed to the additional ping pong balls and told the boy to get straight A's for another lavish reward. It must be noted the white spheres of joy were becoming quite the nuisance around the modest household with beige siding. Ping pong balls were over ankle deep in the boy's room. They were scattered throughout the home and in the garage. Both of the baskets on the boy's bicycle were overflowing. Jack (the boy's father) agreed to the 15,000 but was starting to become slightly irritated.
The next report card came: It was straight A's!! Jack and Eleanor were beyond a state of elation! They jumped repeatedly and gesticulated like they were in every damn TV commercial currently produced! They showered the boy with glowing praise then offered him (the boy) an ultimate gift. The boy (NFI) thought a moment then requested 100,000 ping pong balls. Jack was at his wit's end. He asked the boy the reason for "all the damn balls". The boy's face suddenly glowed red. He (the boy) began to hyperventilate. The boy ran toward the garage in a torrent of rage--slipping and falling in the ever present ping pong balls.
The boy (he) grabbed his Chinese Schwinn with the overflowing baskets and sped into a high traffic cul-de-sac trailing a bouncing rooster tail of angry careening orbs and was struck by a Forest Green Subaru wagon which had escaped from they're driver. Because of queer.
Jack (the boy's father) rushed to the scene and cradled the boy in his arms: "Son, I didn't mean to upset you! I'm sorry!" "It's OK Dad." "I don't want to upset you, I HAVE to know...WHAT's the deal with the ping pong balls?!..." The boy looked into the sky and died.
Happy Thanksgiving all!
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