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<blockquote data-quote="Zogman" data-source="post: 244649" data-attributes="member: 328"><p style="margin-left: 20px"> <table style='width: 100%'><tr><td><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><p style="margin-left: 20px"><span style="color: #26282A"><span style="font-family: inherit"><p style="margin-left: 20px"><span style="font-family: inherit">Affairs</span><br /> </p></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><br /> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 1st Affair_*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">A married man was having an affair with his secretary.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He put on his shoes and drove home.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'I can't lie to you,' he replied,</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">afternoon.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard!</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">You've been playing golf!'</span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 2nd Affair _*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">always talked about having a son.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">They decided to try one last time for the son they</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">always wanted.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">Have you been fooling around behind my back?'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'</span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 3rd Affair _*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">A mortician was working late one night.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">private part he had ever seen!</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">part. It must be saved for posterity.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">it home.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">his wife, opening his briefcase.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'</span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 4th Affair _*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">husband opening the front door.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">talcum powder.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">a statue.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">No more was said, not even when they went to bed.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">returned with a sandwich and a beer.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">damned thing.'</span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 5th Affair_*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">a beer.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'A nickel,' the barman replied.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">owns this place?'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">wife?'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">his business down here.'</span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">*_The 6th & Best Affair_*</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">must confess.'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">and your mother!'</span><br /> <br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the</span><br /> <span style="font-family: inherit">poison work.'air</span><br /> </p></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </span></span><br /> <br /> <br /> </p> <br /> </span><br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> <br /> </td></tr></table></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"><strong>A</strong></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p> <p style="margin-left: 20px"></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Zogman, post: 244649, member: 328"] [INDENT][TABLE="class: Bs nH iY bAt, width: 1776"] [TR] [TD="class: Bu bAn"][FONT=Arial][INDENT][COLOR=#26282A][FONT='inherit'][INDENT][FONT='inherit']Affairs[/FONT] [/INDENT] [INDENT][FONT='inherit']*_The 1st Affair_*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']A married man was having an affair with his secretary.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He put on his shoes and drove home.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'I can't lie to you,' he replied,[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']afternoon.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']She looked down at his shoes and said: 'You lying bastard![/FONT] [FONT='inherit']You've been playing golf!'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']*_The 2nd Affair _*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']always talked about having a son.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']They decided to try one last time for the son they[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']always wanted.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered![/FONT] [FONT='inherit']Have you been fooling around behind my back?'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The wife smiled sweetly and replied: 'No, not this time!'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']*_The 3rd Affair _*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']A mortician was working late one night.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated,[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']private part he had ever seen![/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']part. It must be saved for posterity.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']it home.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'I have something to show you won't believe,' he said to[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']his wife, opening his briefcase.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead!'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']*_The 4th Affair _*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']husband opening the front door.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']talcum powder.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']a statue.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']No more was said, not even when they went to bed.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']returned with a sandwich and a beer.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']damned thing.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']*_The 5th Affair_*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']a beer.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'A nickel,' the barman replied.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'A nickel?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']owns this place?'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']wife?'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']his business down here.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']*_The 6th & Best Affair_*[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']He looked up and said weakly: 'I have something I[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']must confess.'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace. I slept[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']with your sister, your best friend, her best friend,[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']and your mother!'[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']'I know,' she replied. 'Now just rest and let the[/FONT] [FONT='inherit']poison work.'air[/FONT] [/INDENT] [/FONT][/COLOR] [/INDENT] [/FONT] [/TD] [/TR] [/TABLE] [B]A[/B] [/INDENT] [/QUOTE]
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