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Pheasant Hunt and Chili Cook-off
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<blockquote data-quote="SDMF" data-source="post: 127992" data-attributes="member: 412"><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge 3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">visiting from Springfield, IL.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Here are the scorecard notes from the event:</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 2 - ARIAL AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">seriously.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">when they saw the look on my face.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, and</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting @!&&-faced</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">from all of the beer.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">or other mild foods, not much of a chili.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">adding considerable kick. Very impressive.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">spices and peppers.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">garlic. Superb</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">wipe my butt with a snow cone.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">peppers.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">worried about Judge ... 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">cursing uncontrollably.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.</span></span></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">CHILI. 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge...3 farted, </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">reacted to really hot chili?</span></span></p><p></p><p><span style="color: #000000"><span style="font-family: 'verdana'">Judge... 3 - No Report.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SDMF, post: 127992, member: 412"] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge 3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]visiting from Springfield, IL.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Here are the scorecard notes from the event:[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? You could[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 2 - ARIAL AUSTIN'S AFTERBURNER CHILI...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]seriously.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]when they saw the look on my face.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 3 - FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, and[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting @!&&-faced[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]from all of the beer.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]or other mild foods, not much of a chili.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 5 LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]adding considerable kick. Very impressive.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 6 - VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]spices and peppers.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]garlic. Superb[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]wipe my butt with a snow cone.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]peppers.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]worried about Judge ... 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]cursing uncontrollably.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]CHILI. 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge...3 farted, [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]reacted to really hot chili?[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=#000000][FONT=verdana]Judge... 3 - No Report.[/FONT][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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