Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Toby" data-source="post: 44693" data-attributes="member: 1509">Alcoholism and me.  First I will say this, yes Tina and our friend has cancer and YES we shaved our heads with pictures taken.  She and her husband are great outdoorsmen.  We are members of caringbridge and get updates everyday...the grade 3 breast cancer did not move to her lymph nodes or move period, thanking God for that.  We found out today.Me:  I have had the unfortunate struggle with alcoholism for 10 years now.  I am 32.  I was clean and sober for 2 years until April of this year.  I took to the bottle again in April, I am thinking I was was having a nervous breakdown from all of the bad that I seemed to be doing and it was compounded by a family emergency with my father.  I started to drink again in the beginning of April.  I asked to be deleted from this website and FBO of the usernames that I used to represent myself 5 or 6 days ago because I knew I was heading down a long road, to much to deal with too soon.  I am heading to treatment again.  I asked Vollmer not to post an article I had wrote and a couple days later I asked to be deleted.  Alcoholism is one of the worst situations I have ever met in my life and I have kept it together regarding my family, I don't let them see it...they can see it but I don't let them live it with me.  I'm a fool if they don't see it and know it.  Alcoholism is such a low in my life, I know I can beat it but everyday there are things that I get pissed about and have an extremely hard time dealing with so I drink.  It turns me into a robot...I know I have to keep it together.  On these forums I let them get to me, people talking bad about me, people thinking that I am an arrogant person, prick of a person, I wouldn't lend a hand person...that I get.  That's not me I say in my brain when I am sober.  Alcoholism is so terrible that sometimes you develop a second personality, develop something different...the thoughts in one's head are overwhelming at points.  Sometimes in life the triggers are so strong that it is hard to break away.  Some of my own family turned their back on me years ago, my mother included, before I started drinking.    I have never felt so low in my life as I do now.  I feel like I am a f up, waste of space...when people say they want to kick me in the balls it is a usual feeling to me.  This is the sad fact of alcoholism...I didn't even realize or remember that I was someone else portrayed on a website.  I work nights, for 2 years now, and this is new to me.  I often wonder how do I function period.  I don't drink while at work, I don't drink right before, and I don't get the tremors like others do.  I don't go to work hungover or drunk.  I don't know where that darkness comes from.  On weekends when I do drink I think I am normal and wake up the next day, obviously not, and cannot remember much about typing on my computer.I hate all of this because I am better than all of that.  I hate all of this because I am a good fisherman, I am a good person.  I hate all of this because I hate this disease!  This is me:  I am an alcoholic that is at his lowest point and am going to get help.  Please don't talk shit about me, I will try!  I was good for 2 years, I am hoping that I can beat it.  This is my heart on my sleeve, took me a bit to write it as I am embarrassed beyond belief!This is my profile, one and only, and I will chat some chat when I get out.  I don't know how long this is going to take but I hope it is not long.  Alcoholism is such a terrible disease, I would have never thought it was me.  I go back in tomorrow and hope that I can get it back...I'm both nervous and scared.  I was not allowed to drink last night so I didn't drink when I wrote this because...because I have to start being honest in life, honest with myself.  We will see you on the other side!  TM</blockquote>

Verification: What is the most common fish caught on this site?

Reply to thread

Recent Posts

Friends of NDA