eulogy advice needed

[guywhofishes]

A close family member has died and I have been asked to give the eulogy.

I'm fairly immune to public speaking jitters - but I'm lost as to where to begin with writing it.

Lots of online advice out there but I trust you gomers more than some AI-generated BS.

Duration?

Word count?

Hot buttons to stay away from?

Etc.

Any advise is much appreciated.

 

[Tommyboy]

Celebrate the life they had.
Keep it light hearted.
Tell a story that reminds you of the person.
5-6 min long.
Stay away from politics or religion unless its a tongue and cheek joke involving the departed.

I've always found it impersonal when somebody just reads the obituary or the pamphlet that everybody in attendance gets.

 

[risingsun]

Sorry for your loss Guy. Tommy about hit it perfect in what I always want to hear.

 

[zoops]

Celebrate the life they had.
Keep it light hearted.
Tell a story that reminds you of the person.
5-6 min long.
Stay away from politics or religion unless its a tongue and cheek joke involving the departed.

I've always found it impersonal when somebody just reads the obituary or the pamphlet that everybody in attendance gets.

Agree. I did my grandfather's and did similar, talked about his WW2 service, family, love of hunting/fishing, personality, how they made you feel when you were around them, etc. 5-10 min.

 

[lunkerslayer]

When my mom husband died, she remarried, I told her to talk with his family members and then I told her to scribble down important things they said as well as things you have seen. It should be all about the person you are talking about all the good things, memories and I'm assuming you were very close.to this person so you may even have memories many might not know about that he may have never shown anyone else. Those are the things that are released the most important part of our lives what made us important personally. The only thing we have is our name good or bad because that is what is left on our grave stone.

 

[espringers]

good luck on the eulogy. that sucks.

on a slightly different note, i wonder if anyone would live life differently if they knew whoever wrote and read their eulogy was going to tell the absolute truth about you. i've been to more than one funeral where i can guarantee 75% of the people sitting in the pews were rolling their eyes having to listen to what a great guy "john" many of whom know full well how much of it was BS.

 

[Kurtr]

from the heart. Best ones i have heard are when the person goes up there and just freestyles it and you can see its real

 

[guywhofishes]

from the heart. Best ones i have heard are when the person goes up there and just freestyles it and you can see its real

I wouldn't mind trying that and I have a fair knack for spit-balling.

But the thought of a screw up (for instance I'm likely to spice up my language when speaking off the cuff) or other inadvertent slip of the tongue has me solidly in the "prepared words" camp!

 

[lunkerslayer]

Boy you can learn a lot from some people about how they see people at their end of their lives. A being granted the honor of given an eulogy to some is a very honorable moment in a person's life. That family already knows about the daily transgressions of that person who has died many within the family for whatever reason. The love ones want to know that there was those who were touched with love and sincerity during those times of trials and tribulations. That family has taken the time to give this man a proper burial because they to believe in an afterlife hoping that he made amends with his maker just like what they will have to do and hopefully they will have someone who will love them enough to say some kinds words through a life of many ups and downs, it's better to focus on the good parts of a person life then it is of the bad parts. And knowing what kind of man guywhoshares is I'm sure it was a great life filled with many memories that the family doesn't even know about or has forgotten.

Who cares about the eye rollers because this isn't about them, this is about the family that has come to PAY their respects because God told his people to mourn life and celebrate death because before we pass we have to ask forgiveness of our trespasses and hopefully forgive those who have trespassed against us, so we could be led into heaven to see our almighty father to live FOREVER AND EVER.

 

[espringers]

that wasn't my point lunk. the point was: would we live life differently if it wasn't going to be sugar coated when we died by those who will remember us? i've actually pondered having someone close to me write mine and then editing it myself it to tell the truth... good and bad... and then hanging the darn thing on my bathroom mirror so i could start each day working on crossing off the bad. sorry if it came across differently.

 

[Kurtr]

I wouldn't mind trying that and I have a fair knack for spit-balling.

But the thought of a screw up (for instance I'm likely to spice up my language when speaking off the cuff) or other inadvertent slip of the tongue has me solidly in the "prepared words" camp!

Ya there were a few where language for church was probably not appropriate but the person they were speaking off would have approved and when the pastor is even chuckling I think God will give you a pass.

 

[guywhofishes]

Oof... encouraging but still a hard pass.

I still have too much reverence for tradition/decorum under such scenarios.

Must have been the Catholic church experience in my early years before I turned liberal and went Lutheran.

 

[lunkerslayer]

I'm sure espringers that eulogy would be short and sweet but it still doesn't change that the service isn't for just anyone it's for a person that was loved unconditionally regardless of their faults. Granted that person whoever they are knows that they were filled with moments of real misery that was inflicted on to another person most likely could be caused by that person's poor choice of habits and they were suffering perhaps for majority of their lives But our job as to going to a burial service is to forgive that person so they may rest in peace and in turn we can live the rest of.our lives in peace.
Most wakes that I have gone to anyone could go up and say their peace, I went up to share a few moments about my aunt who was taken from rheumatoid arthritis that damaged her lungs, I said some things many probably already knew but I also made the patrons laugh about she was a very strong willed opinionated person who wasn't afraid to tell me when I was messing up but I also made sure to let them know that no matter what she would never turn her back on you and she was always there if you needed someone to tell you exactly what I was doing wrong. That's love to me and that's the things everyone wants to know about even the things that some people may have not cared too much about but that was the relationship that had with my aunt that I loved very much.

 

[bigv]

I went to a close friend's recently. I just know that one minute i was choking up and the next... belly laughing. I think best to be light hearted if you can. Make people smile and enjoy the service and visiting afterwards. Just my thought

 

[Allen]

good luck on the eulogy. that sucks.

on a slightly different note, i wonder if anyone would live life differently if they knew whoever wrote and read their eulogy was going to tell the absolute truth about you. i've been to more than one funeral where i can guarantee 75% of the people sitting in the pews were rolling their eyes having to listen to what a great guy "john" many of whom know full well how much of it was BS.

Along that line, I'd suggest making the eulogy about any great service (military, civil, volunteerism, etc) to start with, and then go on to talk about what the person meant to you (the speaker). One can roll their eyes if you talk about a tightwad's philanthropy and maybe even if their service was so outstanding, but nobody can argue with you about what that person meant to you and others like you (siblings, etc).

Oddly, I was just having a similar conversation about a couple of people recently, not to write a eulogy, but to just have kind of an open understanding on someone's strengths and weaknesses.

 

[SDMF]

Oof... encouraging but still a hard pass.

I still have too much reverence for tradition/decorum under such scenarios.

Must have been the Catholic church experience in my early years before I turned liberal and went Lutheran.

Dewey has helped us assemble a compound in a holler that would make even the highest class of Appalachian moonshining family green with envy.

 

[BrokenBackJack]

Start off telling about the person, make sure to add humor involving the person and you or the person and someone else. Can add as many stories as you want as this brings happiness to the family, while laughing and remembering the happy times. Tell about his ups and downs with some humor if possible and then all of his/her accomplishments.
How they helped people throughout their lives and respect paid to others.
I have seen this last from 5 minutes to half an hour and people enjoyed every minute of it. We all like to laugh and remember the good times!

 

[risingsun]

I still have too much reverence for tradition/decorum under such scenarios.

Must have been the Catholic church experience in my early years before I started weed and turned liberal and went Lutheran.

Little help?? Or not so much? Whatever you do will be good. You are plenty sharp enough (even with missing some grey matter from abuse) to mix things up. Just be yourself. Best of luck!!!!!

 

[Maddog]

Oof... encouraging but still a hard pass.

I still have too much reverence for tradition/decorum under such scenarios.

Must have been the Catholic church experience in my early years before I turned liberal and went Lutheran.

I am Lutheran and ultra conservative . . .

You my friend are a oxymoron. Note I did not call you a moron LOL Thought about it, but didn't.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Personally I would be too distraught to free wheel an eulogy. It would have to be written and short. And I still would break down in tears.

Good luck. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
Dan

 

[3Roosters]

Whatever you do, do NOT make it too damn long winded where ppl are looking at their timepieces, watches, phones, wondering when will this guy shut up? Prepare and practice before hand so you do not have to read from a sheet of paper verbatim. Have note cards handy in case you need to look at them to stay on your message if you lose your train of thought or what you had planned to say next. That is all. Good luck!