Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="savage270" data-source="post: 325496" data-attributes="member: 837">It took a lot of courage to put this out here for everyone to read, so I really respect you for recognizing you need help and seeking it.  While everyone's situation is a little different, I can definitely relate to a lot of the issues you wrote about and had a crazy ex-wife cut from the same cloth, so I can an offer the following advice:1. Set boundaries with your kids about what subjects you are willing to talk about, rather than try to go back and forth, confusing them with 2 sets of "realities" and being caught in the middle of a battle between you and your ex.  If they try to bring up the topics of custody, the divorce, etc. simply shut it down and tell them: "That is between your mother and I.  None of it is your fault and it is not healthy or fair for you to have to worry about adult matters that you have no control over."  You can offer to discuss those things with them when they are adults and will be able to understand them better, but by setting those topics off limits for now they will have nothing to take back to your ex wife.  Once you stop playing her game, she will likely decide its not as fun to play it.2. See if you can get your daughters into some counseling.  They are dealing with a lot and a neutral third party can help sort out a lot of the BS.  If you don't have the authority to do this on your own, or you ex won't agree to it, see if they can have those conversations more informally with your church pastor or other trusted adult in their life who could provide an unbiased perspective on things.3. Document everything related to these issues, date, time and details.  If you do end up having to go back to court, the evidence is invaluable.  I just used a word document on my computer and updated it as needed.4. Give a lot of grace to your current wife.  Recognize that she loved you enough to step into this messy situation and needs to know that you are her side.  It's incredibly important for her to have a friend, or someone she can talk to that is in the same situation of being a step-mom.  It's also important for you to have someone to vent to who understands what you are going through.  Potentially it could be another couple in your situation.  It will be almost impossible for you and your wife to fight this battle alone without others supporting you.Finally, do not give up.  Whether they show it or not, your kids need you more than they know and only you are their father.  They are confused, hurt, and stuck in a hard circumstance that is not of their making.  Love them and support them as best you can through their childhood.  In a few short years they will be adults and mature enough to enjoy a wonderful relationship with their father.Best of luck and PM me if you need anything else.</blockquote>

Verification: What is the most common fish caught on this site?

Reply to thread

Recent Posts

Friends of NDA