I came home from hunting one day, took off my coat, and the wife asked where is your shirt sleeve?...I was three miles from the truck and the roll of tp under the seat...
A few years back my father-in-law climbed up into his tree stand only to scramble back down a few minutes later. Apparently he went back for seconds on the corn the night before. Said he was glad a Warden didn't come check him because he was afraid he would have gotten a ticket for baiting...
Three old guys are sitting on the porch discussing things older guys discuss when one of them says I can't even sleep in anymore because every morning at 7 AM I have to get up and take a dump. The second guy says, well I got it worse than you. I have to get up at 6 AM every morning to take a dump. The third guy chimes in and says oh yeah, I have it worse than both of you. Every morning at 8:30 I pee and take a dump. The other two look at him and say why is that worse than us??? The third guy replies...because I don't wake up until 9!