Office Etiquette?

[Sum1]

Am I the only one who enjoys the smell of thier own farts? Why ruin them with an air freshener?

 

[USMCDI]

Just read this for the 3rd time, and again, I am crying/laughing my ass off. Funniest thing I've read in ages. Well done, sir.

Agreed, that was classic. Funny nobody has any airplane stories, nothing like some knoephla and sauerkraut the night before you take a flight somewhere.

 

[johnr]

I have an excellent airplane story. Mrs johnr and I along with 3 other couples spent 8 days in Mexico a few years back, all inclusive deal. Well after 8 days of boozing and over eating I had em bad. We get on the plane to fly back home and my guts are a fire. I have to let a little out or I'm going to explode. One silent gasser and the middle of the plane is toxic, a woman 4 rows back is holding her nose waving her hand in front of her face screaming oh my god, over and over. I lean in to my wife and say, is your stomach feeling better now sweet heart. Straight faced and serious, the entire plane thinks my beautiful wife just laid the golden egg. It was awesome, we still laugh about it years later

 

[BBQBluesMan]

Not to distract from the smelliness and awesomeness of this thread, but on the lines of office etiquette, sometimes I wish we had an office linebacker. Particularly when someone drains the coffee and doesn't take 15 seconds to make a new pot. YOU KILL THE JOE, YOU MAKE SOME MO!! Heehee love this video.

 

[snow]

JOHNR,thats scary business right there,last Time I was in mexico after a couple days,I was afraid to fart,it was almost like a trap,feel one comin on and the next thing ya know you shit your pants,nasty stuff down there,we all ended up with disinterry,we were either sittin or pukin and sometimes both,this is what happens when you eat sea food in Cozumel,guess where all the human wastes goes on these islands? yup,right out to sea,and scavengers like shrimp and lobster,guess what they eat? ;:;barf

 

[loebslakecabin]

You made me laugh so hard it hurt.. Lol you have talent as a story teller!!!!

- - - Updated - - -

I Agee, hardest I've laughed in years..guys a great story teller.. Lol

 

[Sub_Elect]

I must admit this story was not about me, it involved a friend of my parents, but it needs to be told.

My my parents friend, we will refer to him as John, was down in Cozumel. He was poolside drinking daquerys or some other sweet island drink all morning. After a bunch of these sweet overly alchoholic beverages his severe gut rot was too much to hold in. He staggered to his feet and made his way across the sweltering poolside surface.

In his inebriated state, John mistook the men's sign at the bathroom enterance for the women's. He quickly found a thrown to go about relieving his churning stomach. As he sat there and farted, and pooped, and farted some more. The whole act was hilarious to him, and the more he farted the more he giggled, the more he giggled the more he farted until he was empty.

When john was coming out of the stall he noticed, huddled in the corner, a couple spring break going college girls. John looked at the two women, and without breaking a smile, slured out. Did you hear the woman in the stall next to me!

I heard the story some time ago and still find it hilarious. Not really office etiquette, but funny none the less.

 

[lunkerslayer]

Thumbs Up

 

[johnr]

I must admit this story was not about me, it involved a friend of my parents, but it needs to be told.

My my parents friend, we will refer to him as John, was down in Cozumel. He was poolside drinking daquerys or some other sweet island drink all morning. After a bunch of these sweet overly alchoholic beverages his severe gut rot was too much to hold in. He staggered to his feet and made his way across the sweltering poolside surface.

In his inebriated state, John mistook the men's sign at the bathroom enterance for the women's. He quickly found a thrown to go about relieving his churning stomach. As he sat there and farted, and pooped, and farted some more. The whole act was hilarious to him, and the more he farted the more he giggled, the more he giggled the more he farted until he was empty.

When john was coming out of the stall he noticed, huddled in the corner, a couple spring break going college girls. John looked at the two women, and without breaking a smile, slured out. Did you hear the woman in the stall next to me!

I heard the story some time ago and still find it hilarious. Not really office etiquette, but funny none the less.

haha, excellent.


I heard someone took a deuce in the changing room at Herbergers a week back. Imagine being the poor part time Christmas helper having to clean that up

 

[Sub_Elect]

^^^^^^ Haha.

I would walk out!

 

[johnr]

Church etiquette has escaped me this fine evening

 

[Ristorapper]

Yesterday I cleared out the corner of the office.

Today some of the same.

Decided i better not do it again back in the corner so I told Joe, "Watch this."

Walked up to store some empty equipment and squeezed off a round near a supervisor talking with a coworker.

Back to my area minding my own business and here comes the supervisor with a roll of paper towels in his hand and a shit eating grin on his face. "You really need to go use this NOW!" he said.

He's fairly new here and no way in hell can he just pick me out of the blue like that. Someone had to squeal on me..

Joe???

 

[bigv]

If you want a laugh...read this. I read it about once a yr and I cripple up with laughter! New Mexico Chili Cook-off If you can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying by the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico .. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, The reaction of the third judge is even better. Chile Frank: Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off.. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge #3. Here are the scorecard notes from the event: CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.. Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild. Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff?You could remove dried paint from your driveway.. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy. CHILI # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILI Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang. Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers. Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all of the beer. CHILI # 4=2 0- BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili. Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally , the beer maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. Woman is starting to look HOT .... Just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac? CHILI # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement. Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them. CHILI # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers. Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb. Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally . Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone. CHILI # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water.. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach. CHILI # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILI Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili? Judge # 3 -- No report. ​

 

[johnr]

well today was an impressive batch of sour stomach. And again with no clients scheduled, in comes a guy with some paperwork to go over, he walks into my office, gives me a strange look, and starts laughing like a school kid.

Its unbelievable that the timing of my death farts is a constant with the frequency of office visits I get through out that day

 

[dust in the wind]

I still think mrs johnr should get you the odor eliminating undies..... put them to the test and see if they actually work as claimed!

 

[lunkerslayer]

I still think mrs johnr should get you the odor eliminating undies..... put them to the test and see if they actually work as claimed!

Do they make such attire?

 

[dust in the wind]

Do they make such attire?

Page 1 of this thread has what you seek.

 

[deleted_account]

ive got a buddy that has S'd his P's more than 20 times. He must have a bad trap door on top of his poor eating habits.

 

[guywhofishes]

ive got a buddy that has S'd his P's more than 20 times. He must have a bad trap door on top of his poor eating habits.

LOL

 

[lunkerslayer]

mrs johnr's christmas gift to johnr?


http://www.firebox.com/product/6437/Flatulence-Underwear

That's hilarious, what did you Google to come up with this idea lol