Office Etiquette?

[johnr]

So when I am in my office taking care of business, and have to rip one, I usually do.

Why is it 75%+ of the time when I do is when I get a customer, or one of the office people stops in.
And silent but deadly is always true, but loud and deadly seems just as true for me.

Is it just me, or do any of you guys get caught?
Yesterday I had lunch with a rep, and when we finally got back to my office building it was a mad dash to the rest room, while crop dusting the entire way. Sure as heck one of the gals was right behind me the entire time. It was not silent, but plenty deadly. And now today I think I can still smell it...haha

Crop dusting an office chick is classic.. but embarrassing.

 

[Kickemup]

Haha at the most I only work with 2 other guys so I have no problem letting one go.

 

[Jigaman]

I am fortunate that in our office (50ish employees) me and 2 other guys are in our own area removed from the main group. We never have to hold them in. Sometimes our secretary comes in our area and makes a comment regarding the odor but she just laughs. It is unnatural to hold in your farts. Im pretty sure I would explode if I had to for a long period of time.

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there is one guy who has an actual office to himself that when I see he is on the phone I like to go in and drop ass then close the door on my way out. He is not a fan of that.

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farts are neat.

 

[LOV2HNT]

Just wait till the girls in the office crop dust you...twice as deadly. One of the girls in the Fargo office did this to me a few times and the hang time was of epic proportion.

 

[Captain Ahab]

I have a huge office that always has the door shut, so it isn't much of an issue. If I am expecting company, there is a handy can of Glade air freshener in the cupboard behind me.

 

[Sub_Elect]

I try not to rip em in the office but when I do, I usually make em count. I tooted one time coming back into the shop and one of the other guys was on the other side of the metal door and heard it. Yikes!

 

[Duckslayer100]

I work in a pretty small firm and everyone has their own office. I know I can't be the only one who Dutch ovens himself all day. You just sort of assume you're going to get face blasted by poo particles any time you have to visit someone in their space. It's expected. Especially after lunch.

 

[johnr]

I have a huge office that always has the door shut, so it isn't much of an issue. If I am expecting company, there is a handy can of Glade air freshener in the cupboard behind me.

I have a plug in scent thingy, that has been turned on a few times, but usually not soon enough...haha Fricken thing takes a half hour to warm up and put some scent out. I am not one to prepare for future farts 30 minutes in advance.
The can of Glade just made my office smell like flowery farts.

 

[DirtyMike]

I run two treatment rooms, with one doubling as my office. There's plenty of days I run out of one room because of a taco bell lunch or walleyes and beans/venison and onions for dinner the night before.

 

[dust in the wind]

mrs johnr's christmas gift to johnr?


http://www.firebox.com/product/6437/Flatulence-Underwear

 

[ndbwhunter]

There really is no standard or set of rules regarding office flatulence. Really just depends on whether or not you're ashamed of your gas. I work in an office with about 250 people, and some are easily offended by the odor released from a mans ass. Personally, I use the crop dust technique. There are a number of hallways and rooms to duck into while the smell spreads throughout the area. Once the smell dissipates, it is safe to return to normal business.

On the other hand, there is one guy that I work with that has no shame and will let one go every chance he gets. Now, this is in an office that employs nearly 90% women. The reactions that he gets can be interesting.

Are there any standards of etiquette regarding the staking out of occupied bathroom stalls? At times, many of the mens bathroom stalls will be at full capacity. Upon entering a bathroom in which there are no vacant stalls, do you wait it out in hopes that they are almost done, exit the bathroom and find a suitable location to cross your legs and hold it, or run for the next bathroom?

One particular instance, I had just entered the stall and had not even begun to destroy the toilet. I hear the bathroom door open, and a painful sigh of disbelief. I was expecting the person to leave, but nope, he stood there until I was done. I could hear him grunting and lightly moaning the entire time. He must have been past the option of exiting the bathroom to find a suitable location to hold it.

 

[guywhofishes]

I can't stand glade/febreze/etc. because it smells like flowery death as johnr pointed out

but this stuff will nuke anybody's foulest deed in no time flat and it smells fantastic - you will NOT be disappointed

it is also whisper quiet to spray... unlike some glades etc. that sound like a person is putting out a fire with an extinguisher

available on Amazon - you will NOT be sorry

 

[Sub_Elect]

By the time I am doing the potty dance it is too late. I have actually entered a gas station to find out all the stalls are full, ran out and driven around to the back and done a #2 behind the gas station, in the best hiding place I could find. When I realize I have to go, it is almost already too late!

 

[Captain Ahab]

I can't stand glade/febreze/etc. because it smells like flowery death as johnr pointed out

but this stuff will nuke anybody's foulest deed in no time flat and it smells fantastic - you will NOT be disappointed

it is also whisper quiet to spray... unlike some glades etc. that sound like a person is putting out a fire with an extinguisher

available on Amazon - you will NOT be sorry

I've found the Glade Watermelon Burst to be better than most, but this does look nice.

 

[sweeney]

I've been literally crop dusting since 3:30 the funny part is when I do it the guy next to me inhales it, then turns toward the guy behind him makes a funny face and breathes out loudly do to the fact he never hides his ass blasts....#paystohideyourfarts

 

[johnr]

By the time I am doing the potty dance it is too late. I have actually entered a gas station to find out all the stalls are full, ran out and driven around to the back and done a #2 behind the gas station, in the best hiding place I could find. When I realize I have to go, it is almost already too late!

LMAO

I worked with a guy that had this same situation, he once was racing back to the office after a lunch meeting, got pulled over for speeding, and ended up shitting his pants while the officer was running his info in the squad car. The cop came back with his stuff and a ticket, then he went home for the day, as he didn't think it would be neat to walk into the office with a pants full of shit...haha
He shit his pants waiting on a cop.

 

[Fox Island Outfitter]

Rip a silent but deadly one around a few people and wait for the stank to kick in, then say, "do I smell popcorn?" And then laugh as they after they all take a good sniff!

 

[DirtyMike]

By the time I am doing the potty dance it is too late. I have actually entered a gas station to find out all the stalls are full, ran out and driven around to the back and done a #2 behind the gas station, in the best hiding place I could find. When I realize I have to go, it is almost already too late!

While out for a run in my college days, I felt the bubble shift with about a mile between myself and my apartment. I thought, "no big deal, I'll just kick it up a notch." 3/4 mile: workout sweat turns to anxiety sweat, 1/2 mile: Say my good buys to my good socks or possibly good shirt, 1/4 mile: hornbachers dumpster and not many people in the parking lot, kinda dark....why not. back at my apartment -2 good running socks with a look of shame on my face. Wife asks me, "where's your socks?" To this day, this is her favorite story to tell people.

 

[guywhofishes]

I've found the Glade Watermelon Burst to be better than most, but this does look nice.

watermelon burst - ha ha ha - great name for a restroom product

I kid you not - the last thing you think of is "air freshener" when you smell this stuff

and it's stealth (very low noise non-aerosol) so you don't have to telegraph your situation to others

 

[DirtyMike]

We have this stuff in the office. However, I know when I smell citrus, someone just dookied. Not the connection I want to make to oranges.