Woman arrested for defecating on boss’ desk after winning the lottery
NEW YORK – A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.
The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
P.S. The story is from the The Valley Report, a website that mostly publishes satirical articles. It occasionally puts out a fake news stories like this one in order to drive traffic and revenue, according to its owner, a comedian who goes by the name Dave Weasel.
NEW YORK – A 41-year-old woman had the winning lottery ticket worth over 3 million dollars on Friday night, but showed up to work anyway on Monday to deliver one last package.
The courier company had no idea of her winnings. “I knew something was wrong because I came back from lunch and the door to my office was closed,” said the manager. I slowly opened the door to discover the woman with her pants around her ankles, hunched over on my desk like a hippopotamus/cheetah dropping a massive poo on my desk. She shot her head towards me and locked eyes. I was frozen in shock and fear. In my peripheral vision I saw a huge mud-monkey sliming out of her butt like a Play-Doh fun factory.”
“It was worth it,” the woman said on arrest. “On Friday when I realized I hit the lotto, I knew this would be the first thing I would do. I hit up every Mexican food truck and saved my dumps all weekend. I was shuffling around like a death-row inmate trying not to explode. I’ve been putting up with that guy’s shit for years, it’s time he put up with some of mine.”
P.S. The story is from the The Valley Report, a website that mostly publishes satirical articles. It occasionally puts out a fake news stories like this one in order to drive traffic and revenue, according to its owner, a comedian who goes by the name Dave Weasel.
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