Raising kids.....

[CatDaddy]

Anyone want to raise my kids for me? Kidding, wanted to start off light before I got deeper than I should on NDA.....

I had an in-depth conversation with my 10 and 6 year old boys regarding empathy....putting yourself in others' shoes then acting according to what we learn from it first. Really good talk, understanding from each of them in a different way, and ultimately agreeing that we are good people who strive to do good things. I was proud of my oldest today when he dang near got in a fight sticking up for a friend being bullied during football practice - and he was confident when he said "if it was self defense, you'd stand by my side and defend me" and he fully understood the meaning of it. In the end he handled it without intervention by coaches, without a fight, and set it straight with the bully that it was done as of NOW.

It was how I was raised. Seems common sense. Why do I keep running into kids these days who don't get it? Am I off-base in expecting parents to teach life lessons that are meaningful? Believe me, this isn't me tooting my horn as a great parent, but instead really struggling to understand the behavior of Millennials......or is there something I'm missing?

I think I know the answer, but curious to others' thoughts......

 

[johnr]

Liberalism is like a cancer, and indirectly taught in our educational institutions. Everyone gets a trophy, not keeping scores at sporting events, no fault situations, PC, etc. All liberal/progressive ideas that take away personal responsibility, accountability, and basic decency.
Look at protesters, what do these types of individuals all have in common?

I have 4 kids, but only one son, he knows, like the Kenny Rodgers song, sometimes you have to fight when your a man, for yourself or your pals. He also knows when he or his team loses, and knows playing honest and fair is more important than the win. My girls too, outside of the sometimes fighting deal, as I don't think that is appropriate, as that was taught through the the generations of johnr's.

That's my opinion, right or wrong, my kids are respectful, mostly honest, and trustworthy.

 

[BrokenBackJack]

Common sense seems to have taken the back seat. The new age is "everything is about me". I don't get it but there are a lot of parents that are not parenting as they want to be their kids best friend. You can be their best friend once they are in their 20's or 30's. Have also heard from parents that they don't want to break their kids spirit. Well news flash kids need discipline or they are going to be spoiled brats.
Just my 2 cents.

 

[wildeyes]

What I see in my business is there are no parents to tell or teach there kids life lessons. The (parents) make the kids and then just let them learn on there own. The thing that really bothers me the most is the (parents) could be total pieces of s**T and have there 5 year old take care of the 2 year old with no food, no daycare nothing and when it gets to the courts the courts will take the kids away to foster care for a period of time. foster care will do the right things put them on the right track, then the kids go back to the so called parents to get messed up again. There are other things that these (parents) do that are worst then the scenario I just descriped.

 

[ndfinfan]

Agree completely with jack's post above...many parents want so desperately to be "accepted" by their children that they forget about parental responsibilities. Be a parent first...plenty of time when children are adults to be their friend. Studies have shown children thrive in stable structured environments with clearly defined limits. Just my take...

 

[Rowdie]

My sister had a foreign exchange student from Germany. He came home from school and couldn't believe that two football big men campus were picking on a kid with ligit special needs. It really bothered him, and he said that that would never happen where he is from. Being "cool" is the American way, and it seems that kids learn early on to pick on the weaker, or odd man out.

 

[martinslanding]

There is no room for empathy in ‘Merica

 

[Retired Educator]

As a long time educator I mostly agree with everything that was said above. I say mostly because some of the statements had words like "all", etc. "A lot" or "several" or something similar would be more accurate. Several people asked me after more than 30 years as an educator "How have the kids changed?" I don't think the kids changed much at all, it was the parents who changed. For the most part, kids will pretty much do what parents expect. Or at least will learn to do what is expected, low or high.

There are always going to be exceptions. Never did figure out what made some people tick. You could have a family of 4-5 kids and every kid but one would act like the parents and everyone else would want, and then there would be that one that was just rebellious. Never did have an answer. And then you will get some students who question authority. Always enjoyed the students who actually had a valid point and made an effort to change a rule that did not necessarily make sense as times changed. Once had a student who wanted to leave school early to work at her job. School did not allow that. Spent many days discussing (arguing with her) the situation and was finally smart enough to think she had a point. She was an A student, did not have a class that period that she was missing, and other than a school rule what was it going to hurt. Worked to change the school rule to make it fair for everyone (had some stipulations about maintaining grades etc.) and we both got what we wanted. She got to work, and I got rid of the problem of enforcing a rule that really didn't serve any valuable purpose.

To this day I wonder about school authorities who end up in the news by making a big deal out of some minor offense. Unless you live in a community that has some gang affiliation related to hair color, is it really that big of a classroom interruption when a student comes to school with green hair?

Everybody above who pushed for parents being parents is correct. It's a great idea to let your kids make their own decisions, if those decisions are correct That's where parenting becomes important. Aiding your children in making correct decisions. You're not going to be around forever, use your time wisely. When your kids get out on their own, what you as a parent have instilled in them is what will determine their success later in life.

Did hear an interesting story many years ago about a school supt/prin back in the 60's who had a unique way of reaching some students. Have no idea whether this is completely true or whether the story has gotten better over time. Evidently this individual, when he had trouble with a student he arranged a hunting trip. Now this was back in the day when most goose-hunting involved sitting on the "firing line", some of you won't have any idea what that is. The student and supt/prin spent the morning hunting and visiting about life. For the most part they would come to an understanding and it all worked out, no more problems. As with most older stories, this may have gotten better over time but those of us who hunt and fish with our kids realize how important that time together is.

 

[WormWiggler]

Good on you Cat Daddy, glad to hear parenting stories like that....

I had an eye opening moment one day that this thread made me recall. A hand made a comment about his in-laws, they had three older kids and one pre teen, the pre teen seemed to be a handful and he made the comment that the parents had "checked out"... meaning they had parented the older kids but were not up to the task for this younger kid.. It was just his opinion about persons that I had no clue about but it made me wonder... I was a "accident" with older siblings and "old" parents... and I don't recall any life lessons or talks with my parents... after his comment I have often wondered if my parents checked out... It is what it is but now as a parent looking back at my kids I have a lot of regrets as I am an old than average parent that works too much, wasn't there enough, and was basically grumpy and tired. Cherish your time with your kids, they are the most important thing you will ever do..

 

[Retired Educator]

Wouldn't it be "COOL" if "COOL" was when a student saw an injustice they stood up against the incident. Too many students don't agree with "bullying" types of incidents but don't want to appear different by calling attention to the problem.

 

[Captainbrad]

I would like to think I am raising a good kid. I try to push him to think by himself. I grew up on a farm and was outside goofing off with thing all the time. In hind sight it was mostly nothing but it taught me to problem solve and think for myself even though it was not right. I keep trying to push my boy to go out and just do stuff to figure it out on his own. I don't want to do it for him.

Here is an interesting article I found on Facebook a few weeks back on the subject. http://www.dailycrackle.com/helicopter-parenting/

 

[guywhofishes]

my daughter fled to Mexico

that's all I'm sayin'

 

[Reprobait]

Look at the way adults can act and treat each other, particularly on-line, and you don't have to wonder where the kids get it from.

 

[jdinny]

johnr you hit it on the head. our public education systems are teaching liberal based viewpoints and it is sickening. how many of you remeber being force fed al gore and global warming in school? what happened to acid rain? i was taught that too. im not saying or trying to turn this into a public versus private debate but my 3 boys will be going to a private school. again not saying private schools are any better than public but they keep God in the curriculum and that is where our public schools have failed because a few " other religions" are mad, and feel it shouldnt be taught our public schools have turned into a PC nightmare where boys and girls pee in the same bathroom.

again sorry for the rant but imo public education is a dam mess across the country that cave into political agendas for a few $ in return.

 

[Reprobait]

There are also too many kids around that were essentially raised in front of a video screen.

 

[You]

i recommend raising puppies instead. you can give them away at 8 weeks.

 

[Pinecone]

Calm down everyone will get a trophy

 

[Retired Educator]

johnr you hit it on the head. our public education systems are teaching liberal based viewpoints and it is sickening. how many of you remeber being force fed al gore and global warming in school? what happened to acid rain? i was taught that too. im not saying or trying to turn this into a public versus private debate but my 3 boys will be going to a private school. again not saying private schools are any better than public but they keep God in the curriculum and that is where our public schools have failed because a few " other religions" are mad, and feel it shouldnt be taught our public schools have turned into a PC nightmare where boys and girls pee in the same bathroom.

again sorry for the rant but imo public education is a dam mess across the country that cave into political agendas for a few $ in return.

Graduated from HS in the 60's, don't ever remember religion being taught in the public schools. The big difference was that religion wasn't denied in the schools. We had a Christmas program most likely with a baby Jesus. During Lent no meat was served on Friday's to honor the Catholic's beliefs. There was always a Prayer before Graduation or most other special programs.Wasn't unusual for the 10 Commandments to be posted someplace in the building. Pledge of Allegiance was said each morning prior to class starting. In a public school we never went to any sort of religion class but religion was respected and practiced in many areas. I was involved in many sports and frequently we had a short prayer either prior or after the game. And for lots of us we always prayed before a test. Don't want to be anti-religious but it might have been better to spend more time studying and less time praying in that case.

 

[Wild and Free]

Having attended school in the 70-80's it was still full contact education, difference between a warning and discipline was if the teacher snapped you in the head with a ruler or broke a yard stick across your back. Didn't dare tell the folks when you got home either or you would most likely get it again because it was just taken for granted you did deserve what you got..............if most cases i guess it was true lol.

- - - Updated - - -

This pretty much sums up a lot of todays issues too.

 

[Duckslayer100]

I have no idea what I'm doing. I have a three year old and a four month old. Our mantra is survival -- with a smile.

But, so far kiddo No. 1 has been waterfowl hunting with me four times this fall, and fished during the open water season, and even tagged with me as a little bugger last winter for about a half dozen ice fishing forays.

So while I may not be the most qualified parent, I think he's definitely getting plenty of chances to experience things outside and away from electronic devices.

Except for flashers. But those don't count, right??