Things you never say to your wife

[Kurtr]

You want a watch why? There is a clock on the oven.

 

[Colt45]

I'll be home before the third period starts.......................

 

[SDMF]

 

[Achucker]

Things I NEVER say.... honey I'm pregnant.

 

[luvcatchingbass]

How much cash you got hid.

In my case I know my answer

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Your fucking mother

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She says are you in yet
You say I don't know I can't feel anything.
Kidding guys kidding
That one is a joke

Never and I mean never ever ever ever ever say
"Your like your fn mother. Things go down hill very quickly.

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Things I NEVER say.... honey I'm pregnant.

I did once and said I what to name it Keystone

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Sounds to me like some of you married the wrong woman! My first marriage was that way. Not the woman i married but she changed fast.
My second and current bride i couldn't ask for anyone better. Great person, mother, lover, & friend. We do just about everything together and neither of us would want it any other way. Found out how GREAT life can be and don't have to walk on egg shells!!!

At least to present times I'm still alive, how some days not sure. Make No mistake and I mean NO MISTAKE do not piss off my wife when she drinks a certain amount, just ask Kickemup.

 

[gr8outdoors]

Well, it's not gonna suck itself!

 

[Putz ND]

Your sister would do it

 

[Radar13]

My wife was showing me blisters on her hands from using the broom all day.
I was in Awe, they looked like they hurt and suggested she take the car next time

 

[Auggie]

I do

 

[Obi-Wan]

Come home late and when she meets you at the door slap her on the ass and say " you're next"

 

[huntorride365]

Call her by her mom's name.

 

[Allen]

My ex would let me _____.

You sound just like my ex.

 

[MathewsZman]

 

[Account Deleted]

Do you mind telling when you need an oil change on your car so I can get it done? There’s a sticker on the windshield.

Dont even waste my breath anymore.

 

[fj40]

A wife can small a hint in whisky on your breath from two blocks away cannot see the check engine light from a foot or so.

 

[luvcatchingbass]

Her - I think the dishwasher might be broken
Me - You don't have any casts on your hands, they look like they work fine

 

[LBrandt]

^^^you are so dead meat^^^

 

[lunkerslayer]

Never read these threads with a mouthful of sunflower seeds. Hurts when they come out the nose...

Pics or never happened

 

[JayKay]

Totally the last boat I'll ever need
I'm only going to have one beer and I'll be home
And my all-time bone head move: "we cant have another kid, our house is too small." (wife starts house shopping).

I was not in the room, when you told her that Fancy Feast is the last boat you'll ever buy, but you told me that you told her that. But I'm not telling anybody. Nope.

 

[luvcatchingbass]

Her - Look a picture from when we were dating, don't we look happy
Me - You look smaller in it.
WHAT? Its a small picture not a life size photo